hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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