I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
