he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
