mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
