do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
