Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
