you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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