This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
