Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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