You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
