Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
