Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How's work?
Spinning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
