Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
