Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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