Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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