the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
