I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
