how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
