First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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