Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
