What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
