We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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