I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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