please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
