so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
