So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
