So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
