I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
