dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
