I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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