She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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