Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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