Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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