we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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