you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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