it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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