beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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