According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
