a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
