i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
