I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
