you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
