On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
