Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
