Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
