awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
try to milk me bitch
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
