wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
