I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
