literally had 100 drinks last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
