and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
